Category: Safe Haven
I'm in a complex, and you can hear a cat fart, in here. That being so, I heard the family find their baby dead. The frantic dad, and the mom, when they tried reviving him.
My reason for posting, is to ask, has anyone been scared by something they heard, so as to want to crawl in a hole, and hide? Does it get better? Does the pain become where you can not think about it? Or, am I stuck? I just want to know. I'm having a really hard time distracting myself.
Thank you, and God Bless!
Sarah
I imagine the best thing to do is to pray.
My church I go to is talking a lot about praying and incorporating it in to our lives. Really nice.
Thats a hard thing to go threw, even if you only heard it and not had it firsthand.
I just moved in to a nice place and my first night, before I got my stuff moved in with me. I layed on the floor and over heard my neighbors fighting. I couldn't manage it.
I worried what I would have to lay and listen to for the next term and it was painful.
I did not want to hear people fighting. It sounded like possible abuse was going on as well.
I now have my bed set up and on the other side of the room so if they do fight, I don't hear it.
I believe Nicky is on the right track.
A few years ago, the daughter of my neighbor, a young lady of 24 and her boyfriend were involved in a horrible traffic accident. He survived, she was killed instantly. I loved this young lady like a daughter. She was a vibrant, kind, and caring individual. I miss her deeply to this day. Her mother and I were romantically involved for a time and we traveled together so her loss was deeply felt by not just me but the whole neighborhood.
I will never "get over" her loss, but over time I've come to accept it and come to cope with it. As time goes by the pain ebbs. So I guess the best advice I can give is to remember the loss, console the family as best you can and let the passage of time heal the hurts. KG will always be with me in my heart, and this goes a long way in the healing process.
Anyway, that's my two cents, for whatever that's worth.
I'm gonna be kinda harsh here. You aren't traumatized. You might be sad, but
you're not traumatized. What you overheard is sad. I give you that. Its very sad
to hear something tragic happening. But it didn't happen to you. You're fine. If
you feel you need to talk to someone, ok, though I doubt you can afford it. If
you feel you need to pray, ok, whatever floats your boat. But you're not
traumatized. Using that word for your sadness cheapens the word. If you were
actually traumatized, I doubt you'd be coming onto a public site and giving
details of what happened a short time after it happened. That's not trauma,
that's looking for attention.
Cody, she woke up still hearing the noise of what happened. This board is just not the time to be a dick to her about something like this. If you didn't have anything helpful to contribute to Sarah's pain, then you should have just stayed away.
Sarah, I've told you this before, but looks like you need to speak with someone about this, and maybe talk with the parents about it? I know when I am going through something that hurts, I always want to talk to someone. It doesn't fix the situation, but just ranting and talking it over just makes things so much better. This method is also used with people with PTSD. There is no real way of treating it, but sitting down and going over the smells, what they saw, and so keeps them alive everyday.
I know this might not have been much help, but it will get better overtime. Just stay strong.
Sarah, it's hard to answer this, because people deal so differently with pain. What works for some absolutely doesn't work for someone else. But I think you already know that. Prayer is something that would help me, but it may not someone else, for instance. So all I can really answer is what I'd try to do if I'd heard this, and hope you can find something helpful to you out of it.
I think primarily I'd have to find someone to talk to, someone who I was safe to show emotion around: tears, sadness, anger. Someone who wouldn't judge or minimize what I was thinking or feeling. An actual counselor would probably be best, but if you can't afford that, a trusted friend. Writing is another big one for me. Journaling, laying out thoughts and feelings. Maybe a letter to the baby whose life was lost, or a letter to the parents, with what I'd say to them if I could. Even if I never showed it to them, whether because I didn't know them, or because it'd be inappropriate to do so, just getting it out may help. A poem, a story about the baby, or the family. Maybe just a short note to the family to let them know they are in your thoughts. Any or all of that. Again, prayer is another big one for me. I would seek solace in my God and my faith. Music, whatever kind would help, depending on my mood. Soft and comforting for if I'm sad, sometimes angry if I were feeling angry over what seems such a senseless death.
Those are just ideas off the top of my head. Hope they might be useful in some way.
Excelent advice, Alicia.
Sarah, how awful.
tHANK YOU ALL. i'D TYPE MORE, BUT MY KEYBOARD IS CRASHING, AND i CAN'T SEEM TO FIX IT. tHE DREAMS ARE THE WORST, AND NOW THE FAMILY'S MOVING. i UNDERSTAND, BUT THEY'RE GOOD PEOPLE, AND DIDN'T DESERVE WHAT HAPPENED. aND, THEY WERE TRUSTING NEIGHBORS. sO THAT ON TOP OF EVERYTHING, IT'S A REALLY BIG BUMMER. i KNOW i'LL BE MOVING IN A FEW MONTHS, BUT, i'LL NEVER FORGET THAT LITTLE BOY.
i THINK A LOT OF US HEARD IT, AND THOSE THAT DID NOT, ARE SO FORTUNATE.
aGAIN, SORRY MY WORDS ARE COMING OUT ALL FUNNY. i DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIX THIS, AND NEED TO GET A NEWER KEYBOARD.
tHANK YOU FOR BEING UNDERSTANDING.
bLESSINGS,
sARAH
There are those sweeping statements again Cody. I would be traumortised as well, obviously not as much as the parents, but one still can't down claim what others are feeling.
oh wow sorry to hear what you went through and yeah that must of been tough for you but i agree that talking to some one would be best so they can help you with giving you helpful tools so that if you were to go through some thing similar again you would know how to deal with it and I've heard neighbours fighting but unfortunately aren't able to help them but i think getting involved would make the situation worse and that wouldn't be a good thing.
This didn't even happen to me and it brought tears to my eyes. Stories like this always break my heart, and I instantly think about what if it was me with my daughter.
Sorry you had to hear that.